


Braids, popcorn and surprise therapy.

by Yureinodorei



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Demon Summoning, M/M, Minor spoilers for seasons 6/8, No beta we fall like Crowley, Post-Canon, REALLY MINOR, References to Supernatural (TV), cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28995378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yureinodorei/pseuds/Yureinodorei
Summary: Crowley is lazing around when he is summoned into a suburban house. what do these people want and what will he do about it?
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens) & Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 44





	Braids, popcorn and surprise therapy.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first story into this fandom! I hope you enjoy it, and I'm sorry about the gratuitous supernatural mention, I couldn't help myself!

Crowley was bored out of his mind and, as such, was about to go terrify his plants when the itching started. He wondered briefly if he was due to shed, when the sharp pain that follows a demon summoning made things clear. “BLOODY-

HELL.” he finished cursing in another place entirely. He closed his eyes to fight the usual nausea and dizziness which made imposible at first to see where he was, with the aplomb of someone who had millennia of being dragged around when stupid humans were willing to sell their souls for stupid reasons. Now, however, he was retired, and he couldn’t give a damn about souls. 

“I have no interest in giving anyone anything,” he stated before he was even fully present. “So why don't you just let me go and-” he let the sentence fall once he could focus on his surroundings, noting the entirely too normal house where he was standing. The usual places for this kind of things were abandoned buildings, the woods, graveyards or a basement, at the very least. 

On the contrary, he was now at a pretty nice open concept lounge, with modern furniture on neutral tones that he approved, and a kitchen visible at his back. Crowley was trying to figure out what that weird looking appliance over the counter might do when some whispering reached his ears. Oh right, people. 

Turning around, he caught some movement behind the couch, but there was no one else in sight. Sighing, he rubbed his face in annoyance. Sodding amateurs. 

“If you are so scared why did you summon me? I've got better things to do than stand here.” 

Slowly, a head popped up from the couch. Then another. And another. And another. Four young girls were watching him intently with varying grades of shock and terror. 

Crowley, surprise hidden behind his dark lenses, inspected them as well. They appeared to be around thirteen? fourteen, maybe? Way too young to be summoning demons1. He focused on the less scared one, brown eyes wide open but lips pressed on a determined line, and cocked his head at her. 

“Were you hoping for a deal or just screwing around?” he lifted an eyebrow and crossed his arms, looking at them like a scolding parent. 

The girls shared a look, equal parts of guilt and embarrassment. Finally, brown-eyes stood up and hesitantly went around the couch. It didn’t pass his attention that, as she came closer to him, she placed herself in front of the others, like a trembling shield. 

“Are… are you a d-demon?” her voice cracked, but the eyes remained on him. Well, she had spine, Crowley thought approvingly. 

“You did try to summon one, didn’t you?” he gave them a toothy grin. “And I am here now, so…” 

“But you look like an old man.” another girl shouted before clasping her hands over her mouth, horrified. 

“Anna!” scolded the one on her right. Twins, he presumed by the identical green eyes, curly hair and face shape between the two. 

“Are you sure you want to see something more demonic?” his smile grew bigger. A heartbeat after, some heads nodded hesitantly so he removed his glasses. The twins gasped, the other girl froze and brown-eyes tensed up as his serpentine eyes scanned their faces. Sighting again, he relaxed his posture, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible.

“Let’s start again, hi,” he waved a little and set the lenses back in place. “I'm Crowley, retired demon from Hell, Serpent of Eden, and you are…?” 

They turned to each other in silent conversation before leader girl replied, “I'm Jemma. This is Sophie,” she pointed at the blonde girl that came to stand by her side. “And these are Anna and Mary,” gestured to the twins, who by now were less hiding and more hanging curiously from the back of the couch. 

It was like a dam bursted and suddenly the teens could not contain their nervous energy, exploding with questions. 

“How come you are retired?”

“Are you going to eat us?”

“Are you really a serpent?”

“Is the thing about the salt circle true?”

“Are we going to hell for this?”

“Is God real then?”

“Is Satan real?”

“Wasn't he the snake in Eden?” 

“Girls, girls,” Crowley waved his open hands in front of him, trying to stop the tidal wave, while a huge, honest smile split his face. Really, how could he not love curious, inquisitive kids? After all, questions were his thing. 

“Yes, God and Satan are real. He took credit for my work. Yes I am a serpent. I cannot cross the circle. I'm not gonna eat you. I'm retired because they are a bunch of jackasses and you haven't sinned your way to hell yet.” he counted the answers with his fingers. 

“How do you know that?” Sophie asked, eyes hungry for knowledge in a way that remained him of Aziraphale. 

“I smell it, s'mthing in your souls,” he mimicked smelling something fowl. “They're still pure.” 

They breathed in relief, tension in the room lessening significatively. He couldn’t blame them. Just fucking around with some friends and being damned for eternity for it? Something about that didn't sit well with Crowley, but he wouldn't go into that at the moment2. With a snap, a chair appeared within the circle and he sprawled lazily over it. Four pairs of eyes were once again wide open reflecting a mixture of fear, distrust and pure awe. 

“You can just… make things appear?” Jemma once again took the lead, trying to sound casual, but Crowley had six thousand years of reading body language and honestly, the lip biting and the way her hands fidgeted with the ends of her ponytail betrayed her nervousness.

“Can't affect anything outside the circle,” he shrugged. “Demons aren't the most pleasant when summoned, so, most of these,” he pointed at the squiggly lines they had carefully drawn with salt. “Are to keep us in check. Though, I appreciate you didn’t use some of the more… potent ones.” Luckily, he hadn’t had many encounters of that kind, but some conjuring sigils felt like his skin was shrinking over his muscles while his bones turned into goo. All around, it wasn't a pleasant experience and it made actually hearing the demands he was supposed to fill very hard. 

“We did what the book said.” chimed Anna.

“It had a lot of old words, we weren't sure what they meant.” added her sister.

“But we followed the drawing and Jemma did the chanting.” 

“So, you were just curious if it would work and decided to try it?” he wasn’t actually surprised; the real wonder was how they had managed to get a book that wasn’t completely bollocks. It was kind of impressive in its simplicity. There were no black candles, dried spices or, thank Someone, any kind of blood3, just the circle and sigils drawn in salt. Would also have worked with paint, but he assumed it had more to do with it being easier to clean up. 

The shrugs confirmed his suspicion and he shifted4 in his seat. “So, what are we going to do now?” the teens just looked puzzled and he remembered, “Shouldn’t you have a parent or someone around? What were you doing here?”

“We’re having a slumber party.” said Anna.

“My mum was here, but she was called to work…” added Sophie sheepishly. “She's a doctor and there was an accident or something.”

Jemma crossed her arms and glared at him, chin up in defiance. “We are old enough to take care of ourselves.” 

Crowley, unfazed, raised an eyebrow at the girl. “You are left alone and the first thing you do is summon a demon, forgive me, but that doesn't scream responsible to me,” he thought of the bottle of Talisker he had planned on drinking while watching Golden Girls and sighted. “Right then, I'll babysit you.” 

The affronted look on Jemma's face made him grin, but the others seemed fine with the idea. Hell, the twins looked thrilled. Another argument conveyed through pointed stares and raised eyebrows happened between brown-eyes and blonde girl, until the first one shrugged and turned to the demon. “You are not gonna eat us, or kill us or do anything awful?”

“I've never eaten a human and wasn't really planning on starting now,” he dismissed. “I have no intention of killing or hurting any of you.” 

After another look, Jemma approached slowly and moved the salt with her foot, breaking the circle. Crowley felt the rush of demonic power at full capacity course through him and the annoying buzzing under his skin disappeared. 

Sidestepping out of the circle, carefully not getting closer since they were watching him like mice waiting for the cat to strike, he smirked playfully. “I assume you like spooky films, right?” When they nodded, he snapped his fingers and five buckets of popcorn appeared on the table, while on the tv an old house appeared surrounded by a heavy fog.  
The twins shrieked in delight, rapidly tossing popcorn in their mouths and setting on the couch. Sophie giggled at them and Jemma rolled her eyes at the demon. With a smile, they also settled in for a few spooks. 

* * *

Some hours later, pizza had been eaten, ‘The Best of Queen’ was playing in the background5 and a book of secret knowledge was now safely stored in a pocket dimension until it could be handed to a certain librarian. Bottles of nail polish were crowding the coffee table while the girls took advantage of Crowley’s millennia of braid knowledge. 

“So they thought you were a god?” asked Mary, not lifting her eyes from the design she was attempting to create on her toenail. He wasn’t sure what it was meant to be, but it looked like blood splattered over green. 

“Eeh… to be fair, I was a sixteen-foot long half-human half-snake creature.” that had been a fun time, Hell had been very pleased with the whole ‘worship of false idols’ thing and it had earned him a couple decades of lazing around. Aziraphael's disapproving face had been the cherry on top. 

“So you can just transform? Like, however you want?” Anna tried to turn around to see his face, but he let escape a little growl and she stopped. He was already midway done with the milkmaid braids and he wasn't going to mess it up. 

“I can alter this human shape however I want, but as far as the physical plane goes, the serpent is my true body.” he explained. “I can’t turn into other animals but I can choose what size I want to be.”

They appear unsure on what to ask next; Jemma opening and closing her mouth like a fish, while Sophie remained pensive. Mary started bouncing animatedly and he was certain her sister would be doing the same if he were to stop the pressure on her hair. 

“Do you eat mice?” 

Okay, that was not the kind of question he was waiting for. 

“Why would I eat mice?” the teen shrugged. He had, in fact, eaten a dormouse once, but that had been the angel’s fault, back when they were a delicacy in Rome. “They make great minions, so I usually employ them.” 

“Wha-”

“You can talk to them!?” Anna was practically vibrating with excitement. Better finish with her hair soon. 

“Mhm. With some small creatures, rodents and such. Snakes ‘fcourse.” He didn’t know why some creatures were able to communicate with him and not others. He had never questioned it. Hadn't given it much thought actually. Was it weird? It was kinda weird. Huh. 

They kept conversing. Once he was done with Anna’s hair her sister had finished with the nail polish6 and begged for something as well. He was giving her a Greek style updo he had been quite fond of7 at the time when Jemma turned to them.

“Girls, can you tell Sophie to cut her crap?” 

The girls in question giggled knowingly while Sophie glared at her friend. Her slight blush didn't go unnoticed by the demon. 

Curiosity piqued, he inquired, “What's this about?”

“Tom.” was the response given by the three not asked. Jemma rolling her eyes and the twins in a sing-song fashion. Sophie, on the other hand, was pointedly staring at the wall, but the color of her cheeks was now closer to burgundy. 

Finishing his job with a quick miracle, he leaned back from his spot in the floor, elbows resting against the coffee table and a teasing smirk appearing on his face as he looked at the pair on the couch with a raised eyebrow.

“Boy drama?”

“Not drama, she's just being stupid.” there was no real bite in Jemma's tone, but the fond exasperation that Crowley was accustomed to hear in his own when the angel was being deliberately dense. 

“She's been in love with this guy for like, forever.” explained Anna.

“Yeah, like a whole year.” added her sister. 

It had always been funny to him how screwed up humans’ sense of time was, but having spent some time bonding with a couple of eleven-years-olds he now knew that anything longer than a few days was monumental. 

“And? Is he an asshole?” 

“No, he's a nerd.” 8

“He's not!” blurted the blonde, arms crossing and giving her friend a death stare that had Crowley impressed. The girl just laughed. 

Jemma ignored them, focusing on him. “She's being an idiot because the guy clearly likes her but she's afraid to ask him out.”

“They are really cute together.” said Mary, admiring her hair on a mirror, before turning to him. “I love it, thanks!”

Crowley fought the urge to wince, waving his hand noncommittally at the compliment. It was still a struggle, figuring out what being a demon with no real affiliation with Hell meant, and accepting praise was not his forte, at least when it came from good deeds; no matter what Aziraphale had to say, _he wasn't nice._

Turning back to Sophie, he could sense some negative emotions brought up by fear. “So, is that it? Afraid to talk to him?”

“He's my friend,” was the answer, her eyes on the floor. “I'm afraid he won't talk to me again if I say something.”

Great. Fantastic. What would he know about pining for a friend? Nothing at all. It wasn't like he had invented it or anything. 

“Erg,” was his intelligent response. After almost two minutes of matching consonants together9, he managed to add, “Best to confess and get it over with. Trust me, the right time never comes and you humans have very short lives already.”

A heavy silence set over them. Sophie was frowning, deep in thought, while the others looked uncomfortable. Thinking of their own mortality was not something the fourteen-years-olds were used to. 

“Wait…” Mary caught everybody’s attention. “Trust you?”

“Does that mean that you have a crush too?” Anna's face was so dumbfounded that it made the others giggle and the energy in the room lightened once again.

Not that Crowley cared. He'd rather it stayed gloom and doom before having to answer that question. 

“Ehh, I meant… generally… ngk.” he scratched his neck and made sure his glasses were in place, but the girls were already ‘ooh’ing by the time he noticed the heat coming from his cheeks. 

Jemma's smug face finally made him shut his mouth and stop stammering, but he knew very well there was no way to escape from this one. 

“What is she like?” 

“Is she a demon? Or a human? Oh! Are you worried she's gonna die?”

The twin's questions came like rapid fire and he scrubbed his face with a sight. 

Crowley opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again and finally mumbled something none could hear. They continued looking at him expectantly until, staring at some point over their heads, he spoke so quietly they would have had to pay close attention to catch it. Lucky for them, they were.

“He's an angel.”

There were some gasps, but since he was still examining a spot on the wall like it was the most captivating thing in the world10, he wasn't sure from whom. The new round of questions was quick to follow.

“How did you meet?”

“Isn't he supposed to be your enemy?”

“Is he cute?”

“So he doesn't know you like him?”

“Does he like you?”

“Anna! He doesn't know! If he did they would be boyfriends already.”

“Oh, right.”

By this point Crowley was silently considering that maybe God had not been so wrong after all, sometimes questions can be annoying. He also wondered if his corporation was working properly, as he had never felt so hot before. Maybe he had a fever. He had never had a fever, celestial bodies weren't supposed to, but perhaps Hell had found a way to mess with him. Or maybe it had something to do with being cut from head office, that would make sense. 

A squeal made him jump and returned him to the present. 

“It's just like Cas and Meg!” was saying Mary while her sister made more weird noises.

“Wot?” those names didn't ring any bells and he was pretty sure there weren't any other pair of supernatural entities like them.11

“It's a tv show.” clarified Jemma.

“Yeah, some seasons ago there was a demon who flirted with the angel Castiel.”

“They even kissed!” Anna was beyond excited.

“Didn't she die later?” neither Sophie nor Jemma appeared to be as interested in the show as the sisters, but were nice enough to play along. 

“Yeah, Crowley killed her.” 

“Again, wot?” he did what?

“In the show!” Mary laughed at his expression. “Crowley is the king of hell.” 

That didn't make sense, king of Hell? Wouldn't that be Satan? No one actually called him King, but since Beelzebub was the prince… Maybe he would watch that show later. 

“That doesn't matter!” finally brown-eyes had had enough. Pointing at Crowley she practically barked. “Don't think I forgot. Tell us about your angel.”

Right. Fuck. 

He straightened up and crossed his arms. It wouldn't take an expert to recognize that as the defense mechanism that it was. “We met back at Eden. Been friends for almost as long.”

Four ‘aww’s caused his cheeks, which had cooled down with the previous talk, to alight again. 

“And when did you start liking him?”

 _Since Eden._ But there was no way he was going to confess that. This whole situation was embarrassing enough already. 

“I've known since Rome, eh, around two thousand years ago.” 

More cooing and ‘aww’ing and he was ready to bolt. Perhaps he should go to the nearest bar. Or to a bar in China or anywhere far, far away. Somewhere where he could get properly drunk. 

“And you haven't told him.” it wasn't a question, and the look of anguish in Sophie's eyes made him feel guilty, somehow. It wasn't a demon's place to go comforting people, but he had always been a shite demon. 

“Look, our circumstances were complicated. Up until a few months ago we would have been in big trouble if it was found out that we've been… fraternizing.” he sneered. 

“Until now? Is that why you are retired?” 

“Mmh, yeah, some stuff happened and we were both kinda… kicked out.” the end of the world wasn't something he would throw at them, no matter how well they were taking all this in. “Better for us, really. But this is what I meant when I said the right time doesn't come.

When shit hit the fan I told myself I'll talk to him if we made it out. And when we did, I didn't want to ruin the moment, so I thought ‘I’ll tell him tomorrow’. And that happened  
again. And again. And well, two thousand years of habits are hard to break. So, you get what I'm saying, right? The longer you wait, the harder it becomes.”

She let out a small sight, hand fidgeting with her necklace in a nervous fashion. “Yeah, I get it. I'm just scared.”

“We'll be with you.” Jemma threw her arm over her shoulder. “You don't need to worry.”

“Yes! We are here for you.” added Mary, her hand squeezed her friend’s knee. 

“And if he hurts you, we'll beat him up!” completed Anna, earning a few chuckles from the girls and a barked laugh from the demon. 

“I'm not up for beating kids, but if he turns out to be an asshole I think I can help.”

The blonde was definitely hesitant, but the others exchanged excited smiles. 

“Can you change him into a frog?” 

“He told us about the animals before, maybe a mouse?” her sister amended. 

The demon laughed again, always fond of little troublemakers, but shook his head. “Was thinking more like making him piss his pants.” 

That received a very enthusiastic response from the majority and even Sophie's lips curled upwards a little. She took a deep breath and straightened up, the clogs of her head visibly turning. 

“Alright, but just if he acts like a jerk,” she deflated a little. “He isn't obliged to like me.” 

“Only if he deserves it.” corroborated Mary.

“I don't think he's the type,” Jemma patted the blonde's shoulder. “And I'm pretty sure he likes you anyway.” 

Anna nodded and they all turned to the demon. He smiled innocently and placed a hand over his heart12. 

“I won't do anything unless you tell me to.” 

“Okay.” she let out a long breath, shaking her head a little and gave them all a decisive look. “Right. I'm meeting him tomorrow to help him pick a gift for his mother. I'll tell him after that.”

Her friends cheered and took turns to give her a supporting hug. Her hands were a bit shaky but, based on what he saw in her eyes, Crowley knew she wouldn't back down. A decision had been made. 

“But wait.” Anna turned to him with a frown. “How'll you know how it went?”

He smirked and snapped. “There, you have my number now. Just let me know if you need me.” his smile grew into something more predatory as his teeth appeared sharper than before. “I'll make sure to record it, give you a little blackmail material.” 

They giggled and Sophie grabbed her phone to check it out and indeed, there was a new contact named Crowley. There was also an unread text. 

“Oh, my mum is arriving soon, she texted me five minutes ago.”

“Okay then.” The demon stood up and with a wave of his hand the forgotten salt circle and chair disappeared. “That's my cue to leave. Don't know what your mother would find more worrying, a demon or a middle-aged man hanging with her teen.”

The blonde winced at the thought while the others agreed. “Will you be okay? With your angel, I mean.” she blurted out before he could say goodbye. 

His lips twitched in a way that wasn't clear if it was meant to be a small smile or a grimace “Yeah, it'll be fine. We have eternity to figure it out.” Lowering his glasses so they could catch his eyes, he stared pointedly at them. “Don't do this again, you won't be as lucky a second time.” There was no doubt what _this_ was referring to. 

Pushing his sunglasses back to their place, he smirked. “I'll be off then, good night ladies.” and with a snap he was gone. 

* * *

Crowley had spent the last half hour fussing with his hair, trying to get the ‘I don't bother with it, it's just naturally this perfect’ look he desired before he had to pick up the angel for dinner when his mobile dinged twice. 

Giving up, he turned from the mirror and opened the text from an unknown number.

_I wanted to let you know that you won't need to scare anyone. The girls were right and Tom liked me back!! We were both scared to make things awkward but talking about it we realized that it wouldn't have mattered, even if the other didn't feel the same way, we have been friends for a while and we were not willing to lose that. You get what I'm saying?_

_Anyways, it was just to let you know, we are a couple now!!!_

He smiled at the phone, feeling things no respectable demon would ever admit to. Things like happiness and hopefulness and pride for this young human who had found someone to share her life, even if it was only for a little while. 

He turned back and caught his eyes on the reflection of the mirror. He saw fear, doubt, need and love. He sighted.

_Good for you, kiddo._

He sent the response and read her text again. What would happen if he laid his heart bare in front of the angel? Would Aziraphale feel pity for this foolish demon who dared to love him? Would he be disgusted? Could there be a chance of remaining friends? 

He glanced back at himself. His eyes were always the problem; they expressed too much. Just a moment of distraction without his sunglasses and they would be spilling the contents of his heart. How much longer could he keep this up? 

He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. _Inhale._ He could do this; they had been friends since the beginning, this could not break that, right? _Exhale._ Aziraphale was a being of love; he would not fault him for loving him. _Inhale._ They had had big fights before and always found the way to make up. _Exhale._ What had running away ever gotten him? Inhale. He couldn't let a fourteen-year-old be braver than him, how humiliating was that? 

_Exhale._

Looking at his reflection once more he squared his shoulders, put on his glasses and walked to the door. He had an angel to pick up.

###### Footnotes

  1. To him, every age was too young to be summoning demons. The only time it was appropriate to do so was when you were absolutely sure you were going to the pit, at that point, why should you worry? [ ▲ ]
  2. He wouldn't go into that ever, if he could help it. [ ▲ ]
  3. Most of those were just false advertisements that had spread around millennia ago and Hollywood had just helped solidify. [ ▲ ]
  4. Not quite in a way that anyone with a spine would identify as “sitting”, but something akin to it. [ ▲ ]
  5. Jenna was certain she had selected her ‘Pop divas’ playlist, but at some point Taylor Swift had transitioned into Freddie Mercury. [ ▲ ]
  6. The red spots turned out to be wobbly but recognizable ladybugs. [ ▲ ]
  7. One great thing of being a demon was being able to curl or straighten hair just by heating his fingers to the right temperature. [ ▲ ]
  8. Those two clauses were not mutually exclusive in Crowley’s experience, there were all kinds of assholes everywhere. [ ▲ ]
  9. At which point the girls were looking quite concerned. [ ▲ ]
  10. The color had faded differently there, probably caused by a picture frame or some other decoration that had been taken down. They should repaint the wall. What colour would he choose? [ ▲ ]
  11. It didn’t occur to him that if he wasn’t aware of some angel/demon couple, a couple of teenagers would hardly do so. [ ▲ ]
  12. Not that it was working, after all the blushing he had turned his circulatory system off, but they didn't need to know that. [ ▲ ]



**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a kudo or a comment if you liked the story, I'll greatly appreciate it. Or if you didn't, constructive criticism is welcomed!


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